HUSBAND AND WIFE JOKES

                                


May Ibang Kasama
May isang Mister na galing sa trabaho at biglang bumalik sa bahay kasi may nakalimutan. Pagdating sa bahay, wala si misis sa sala kaya dumiretso sya sa kwarto nila ngunit naka-lock ang pinto kaya kumatok sya..

Husband:( Knocking) "Sweetheart, buksan mo itong pinto at meron ako   
               nakalimutan."
Wife: "Nakakahiya sweetheart kasi nakahubad pa ako".
Husband: "Sweetheart naman, bakit ka mahihiya e asawa mo ako at wala naman
               akong kasama?"
Wife: " Ikaw walang kasama.. Pero ako meron"!


Maliit
May isang mag-asawa na parehong nagbibihis at papasok na sila sa trabaho. Ang misis ay naghahanap ng bra..

Wife: "Honey, puro luma na mga bra ko. Wala na halos akong maisuot". Bili mo
           naman ako ng bago"...
Husband: " Gastos naman 'yang iniisip mo sweetheart. 'tsaka bakit ka pa magsusuot ng bra e maliit naman 'yang dibdib mo"?

Wife: " Hoy! ikaw nga dyan bakit ka rin nagsusuot ng brief e sobrang liit din  
            naman ang nasa harap mo! Gastos lang din 'yan" !

Expiry Date
Wife: " Hon, What are you looking for"?
Husband: " Nothing really"!.
Wife: " Nothing"? You've been reading our Marriage Certificate for almost an hour
            now "?
Husband: " Well, I was just looking if there's any expiry date."


Newspaper
Wife: " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in your hands all day".
Husband: "I too wish that you're a newspaper, so I could have a new one
                  everyday".


Unnoticed
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband..
Wife: "You know, I was a fool when I married you"..
Husband:" Yes dear, but I was in love then, so I didn't notice you being a fool"..


Sleeping pills
A couple went to consult their family doctor because the husband was complaining that he could not get a good sleep. While at the clinic, the wife keeps talking endlessly and keeps mouthing on her hubby. Seeking relief, the husband approach the doctor and whispered something ..

Doctor: " Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills".
Wife: " Doc, When must I give them to him?"
Doctor: " They are for you!"


Movie tickets
Husband: "Today is Sunday and I have to enjoy it. So I bought 3 movie tickets."
Wife: "Why three?"
Husband: "For you and your parents."

Lovely Push
Wife: "Honey, What will you give me If I climb the great Mount Everest?"
Husband: " A lovely push!"

Stupid and Beautiful
A husband said to his wife one day..
Husband: "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same
                 time."
Wife: "God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me. God made me
            stupid so I would be attracted to you."

Phone Call 
A husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to make love they will call it a "PHONE CALL".
One day while in his shop, the husband sends his son to tell his mother that he wants to make a phone call.
Wife: " Go tell your father that there is no network."
Husband: " Tell your mother that If there's no network at home, then I'll go to a 
                   public phone
Wife: "Son, tell your father that if he dares go to a public phone, then I'll open a
           call center at home."